All posts by Jia

Talk That Makes You Rejection-Proof

By | Rejection Attempts | No Comments

Hello fellow fearbusters, how have you been? It’s been a while since my last post as I went on this crazy book tour around the US. I hope all of you in the mean time turned many rejections into opportunities.

During my tour, I heard plenty of stories about you wanting to take your careers to the next level, or start something new, but you feel stuck in some way. A lot was based on the fear of rejection, failure, unknown, or just fear in general.

To help you move forward and turn fear into gifts, I delivered a talk at TEDxMtHood that was specifically written for you. It was based on the principles I wrote in my book – Rejection Proof, and designed to help you get unstuck from the puddle of fear that’s underneath your feet, and to know that if you embrace what you are afraid of, you can find your true calling and gifts.

Enjoy!

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Rejection Proof is Available Now!

By | Rejection Attempts | 2 Comments

Well it’s been long time coming, but now it’s finally here. Today is the day that Rejection Proof lands on bookshelves around the country. For a guy who went from a failing entrepreneur to a Rejection Guy, this feels like both a culmination and a new starting point.

Two years I had a goal of being rejected 100 times. Now here is my goal for Rejection Proof– I want to sell 30,000 copies in a year.

To help me to meet this goal, I need YOU to buy this book. NO, I am not giving you something you don’t want or need just to meet my own goal, YOU WILL LOVE REJECTION PROOF. How do I know?

  • It is the best work I’ve done in my life. If you enjoy 100 Days of Rejection, you will love Rejection Proof.
  • It is getting great reviews from people everywhere.
  • You will learn not only the backstory of 100 Days of Rejection, but also a great deal about life, business, negotiation and psychology.
  • You will receive a Rejection Toolbox that will help you begin to conquer your fear of rejection
  • If you read this book and don’t feel you got anything, I will buy it back from you, no questions asked (other than your address to send the refund check to).

Happy Rejection!

P.S Most of all, thank you for being a part of this incredible journey with me. Thank you for your support in helping me reach this goal of selling 30,000 books. Thank you for all the incredible emails I’ve received over the past two years from people telling me that my story has inspired them. Your words and encouragement mean the world to me.

Jia

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The Magic Word to Use After a Rejection

By | Customer Service, Rejection Attempts | One Comment

Speaking of rejection, no one likes it. Most people would naturally do one of two things wrong after hearing the word NO:

  1. Run away as fast as possible and hide somewhere where the rejection can’t find you
  2. Stay and argue, attempting to persuade the other person to change his/her mind.

These are classic fight or flight reactions. However, not only are these both bad options when trying to get something we want, but they could have hidden consequences that we aren’t aware of.

Wrong option #1 Leaving:

This might look harmless on the surface, but we often walk away feeling a combination of disappointment, anger, frustration and shame. These feelings combined with the negative feedback we just received can lead to us losing confidence in our ideas, our businesses, or even ourselves. In the end, running away can cause us to give up more easily in the future.

Moreover, we don’t learn anything from the rejector on the reason we were rejected. Was it because she was in a bad mood? Was it because she didn’t need what I was offering? Or possibly, was it because there is something seriously wrong with our offering that we need to change? Leaving a situation before we realize the reason why we were rejected doesn’t allow us to learn the reason why. The fear of rejection triggers our body to run, but leaves us without the one thing we need in order to grow- the reason why.

Wrong option #2 – Arguing:

Arguing can happen after a rejection for a couple different reasons. We might feel that the rejection is unfair or wrong. With indignation, we argue based on rules and morality. Or, we might feel that the rejection is counter-productive to both parties, so we try to argue based on interests.

However, when we’re arguing we are trying to change the other person’s position and opinion, something not easily done. Position switch involves the other person’s emotion and ego. Most people are naturally repelled by the idea of admitting they were wrong in the first place or showing weakness in doing so. Arguing more than often leads to people feeling defensive and insulted. When you feel like someone is trying to “change you” or your deepest beliefs, it can lead to hurt relationships and more tension. There is no productivity in arguing after facing a rejection.

In my new book Rejection Proof, I revealed a list of techniques you can use to turn a NO into a YES after a rejection, and the first of which is using a word I discovered had magic powers to influence people and create amazing opportunities, that word is WHY.

Here’s what you do:

Immediately after a rejection, before your fight or flight instinct kicks in, ask: “May I know why this wouldn’t work?”

For those of you who have followed me, you might be familiar with this video where I planted a flower in someone’s backyard.

However, what you may not know is that something happened before this video. Before talking to Connie, I actually first asked her neighbor if I could plant a flower in his backyard. He was an older gentleman and said NO. But before he could turn away, I asked him why. As it turned out, he had a dog who would dig up everything he puts in the backyard. He didn’t want me to waste my flower and effort. In fact, he told me to go across the street and talk to Connie instead, because he knew that Connie loved flowers. Then the above video happened. And it happened only because I didn’t run after the initial rejection and ask the magic word WHY.

**Note that had I not asked why and simply left (like I did in my first rejection attempt), I might have thought the reason for the rejection was because he didn’t like my flower, he didn’t trust me or maybe because I sounded like a crazy person. I would have left the rejection attempt imagining all of the reasons why I’m a horrible and ugly person. Isn’t this what we do after being rejected? We feel like it is blow to who we are as a person, some kind of indictment on our soul.

I could have done worse by arguing with him that he should let me plant a flower in his backyard. It could have turned unpleasant and even ugly. In the end, it wouldn’t have done any good.

But because I asked why, I found out that it had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him. In fact, he trusted me enough to refer me to his neighbor Connie. Asking why gave me another opportunity to seek out the backyard for planting my flower.

Because rejection is painful, we often succumb to our psychological tendency to fight or flight, just like our ancestors when they were fighting beasts in the wild. However, in modern day business negotiation and communication when intricate emotions and interests are involved, relying on our primary instinct is very unproductive. Use the magic word instead. Ask why.

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What People Are Saying About Rejection Proof

By | Rejection Attempts | One Comment

In five days, my book – Rejection Proof will make its debut. But you don’t have to wait until next week to start reading your copy. When you pre-order now, you instantly receive a digital version of the book (plus other gifts) so you can start reading immediately!

When I was writing my book, I made a point of not seeking feedback and opinions from people other than my editor and my wife Tracy. I know opinions, just like rejections, are very subjective and could potentially sway me in all kinds of directions. And when you are doing creative work, the last thing you want is to seek consensus, which always leads to mediocrity.

But now that my writing is finished, it is natural for me to be curious about reviewers’ reactions. For the past two months, Rejection Proof has gathered tons of pre-sale reviews, both from New York Times Bestselling authors and from Amazon’s top reviewers.

Here are what some of them are saying:

“Rejection Proof smashes fear in the face with a one-two punch. You’ll laugh out loud at Jia’s crazy social experiments, but you’ll also go away thinking differently about what you can accomplish.” — Chris Guillebeau, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness of Pursuit and The $100 Startup

“Jia’s compelling and inspiring book is a wonderful example of how shifting our perspective can allow us to really see what makes us tick.” — Dan Ariely, Professor, Duke University, Author of Predictably Irrational

“I hope you buy two copies of this book because as soon as you read it, you’ll want to give it to someone else who needs a boost of bravery too. And your friend is not going to give it back because it’s not just a book, it’s a constant companion for the next adventure. So buy two, better yet, buy 10 because it’s hard to imagine someone who won’t be encouraged and challenged by what Jia Jiang has written in Rejection Proof.” — Jon Acuff, New York Times bestselling author of Do Over

Rejection Proof has also been reviewed by several strangers through Amazon’s Vine program who have never heard of me or my book. Here are a couple of those responses:

Jia jiang book review

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It feels kind of surreal because these are some of the people I admire most who are saying nice things about my book (as well as strangers on Amazon). It’s hard to ignore negative comments and rejections and even harder to ignore positive feedback and acceptance. But I know I can’t dwell on them, because praises are like sugar. If I get addicted to them, I become fat, lazy and sick.

In the end, it’s not the praise that matters, but the impact. I hope a year from now, I will hear YOUR stories on how my story and Rejection Proof have propelled you to a new journey or height. Better yet, maybe you will give it to your friends and loved ones and see their lives change as the results.

Happy Rejection!

P.S To pre-order Rejection Proof visit fearbuster.com/book. You can download your free digital copy today and I’ll send you a signed book plate as well other free gifts! Rejection Proof hits stores in five days on Tuesday, April 14th!

Rejection 102 – Singing in Public and the Spotlight Effect

By | 100 Days of Rejection, Rejection 101 | No Comments

Last month, I enrolled the first batch of attendees (there were 20) for the beta version of my newly designed online course – Rejection Gym. Along with 14 recorded lessons, the attendees received 100 daily rejection exercises, such as asking to take a selfie with a stranger or requesting to plant flower in a stranger’s backyard. Their goal was to use rejection exercises to strengthen their courage muscle in order to become more fearless. After signing up, they quickly started asking for crazy things that they never thought was possible before.

However, there was one rejection exercise that felt so tough that everyone had a hard time doing it. It was singing in public. So as the leader of the gym, I did it myself along with them.

What I learned from this exercise was how the “Spotlight Effect” could really mess with our perceptions of the world and limit our actions. Basically, we think people notice and care about us a lot more than they actually do.

The Spotlight Effect causes us to be afraid of taking unconventional actions or risks because we fear other people will notice our failure and peculiarity, and judge us accordingly. But in reality, no one cares about what we do, let along judging us. And even if they do notice and judge, what’s the point of us caring about their judgment anyway?

The world has billions of people with billions of opinions. If we constantly worry about what other people think of us, we will inevitably conform to their expectations, or worse, to our imagination of their expectations. We will live mediocre lives and have forgettable careers.

Let’s worry about us and focus on what we do, and help others when they are in need. It’s time to say “go to hell” to the Spotlight Effect.

Help Me with My Book Launch and Become a Rejection Ambassador

By | Thoughts | No Comments

By now you’ve heard about my book and all of the awesome gifts I’m giving to those who pre-order (if not, check them out). What you may not know is that I am assembling a team of Rejection Ambassadors to help with the book launch together. And I want YOU to be an ambassador.

This book couldn’t have become a reality if it were not for your support, ideas and inspiration. Now for the book launch, I want to use the same collective spirit and invite you to be part of it.

A Rejection Ambassador is someone who is not only interested in just receiving inspiration and tips to conquer his/her own fear, but in also helping to spread the message so others can get the same benefit.

It will start by helping me to launch the Rejection Proof book on April 14th. That includes either reviewing the book online when it comes out on 4/14/2015, or setting up meetups/talks for me during my 50 States of Rejection book tour to your city.

After the book launch, we will continue to work together and find ways to further the cause and change the world.

How:

Apply here. Please allow me up to a week to reply.

Happy Rejection!

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Pre-Order My Book For Free Bonus Gifts

By | Rejection Attempts | 2 Comments

Rejection Proof is about how I gained the courage to ask for anything from anyone at anywhere, whether they are silly or mean the world to me. I learned how to kick rejection fear in the teeth…

In fact, check this out for yourself:

No, I couldn’t do what I did in the video just a short time ago. But now, I do this everyday to build my business and inspire others. I want to teach you the secret of being fearless, and turn every NO into opportunities.

Pre-order now by choosing your favorite retailer below:

amazon-button-graphicBarnes and Noble Indiebound Google Play iBooks

And I will send you:

1. Access to a free digital copy of the book now so you don’t have to wait
2. Autographed Rejection Proof book plate
3. Rejection Proof manifesto wallet card
4. 25% discount ($100 value) on the Rejection Gym online course

Once you pre-order, save your order number and click below to claim your bonuses:

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Strengthen Your Courage Muscle

By | Thoughts | 5 Comments


Video Link

This is my first attempt at my new vlog. It discusses the topic of beating fear in everything we do. It also answers your frequently asked questions. Let me know if you have questions, feedbacks or ideas.

Below is the transcript if you prefer reading:

Stuart Scott Revealed The #1 Quality To Win In Life Before Passing Away

By | Thoughts | No Comments
Stuart Scott

Stuart Scott

When I joined my first fantasy football league, my team was named OtherSideofPillow. It’s a strange name, and it was coined by my favorite ESPN host, Stuart Scott. During Sports Center highlights, when a player calmly sinks a jumper in the clutch moments of a basketball game, Stu would often say so and so was “as cool as the other side of the pillow”. He was always funny, passionate, and cool. But other than showing people how to be cool, he also demonstrated the #1 quality to win in life. No, it is not about being cool or making the winning shot in game. It is about handling adversities through actions.

On January 4, 2015, Stuart Scott passed away after losing his battle to cancer at age 49.

Well, the above statement would have been appropriate for anyone, but not for Stu. Stu would say he didn’t lose to cancer, but he won it by how much he battled cancer. In his acceptance speech of the Jimmy V Award, Stu said the immortal words “When you die, it does not mean you lose to cancer. You beat cancer, by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.”

In another words, Stu didn’t define himself by the existence or the results of cancer, which he had no control over. He cared about his own bravery and action in his battle with cancer, which he had full control. And that, in my opinion, is the #1 quality of a successful life.

We all have dealt with blows in life. They could be business failures, money problems, tough upbringings, divorce, physical shortcomings, mental deficiencies, and repeated rejections by others, which is the subject I write about. There are diseases that could be as debilitating and lethal as cancer. When they happen, people usually judge their successes in three ways: circumstances, results and actions.

Circumstances – some people base success on circumstances. They equate good circumstances with winning, and unlucky breaks with losing. When economy turns sour, when business gets tough, when jobs get cut, they internalize these circumstances and blame either themselves or others. They tie their self-esteem on the ups and downs of life events. Because we all suffer setbacks, it’s really easy to feel like unlucky losers at the end of the day.

Results – the vast majority of people, if not the whole world, base success on results. They understand that circumstances are not the end of the world. They also understand that their actions could affect the outcome. So they fight, they struggle, and they try to get good results. In fact, “results-oriented” is one of the most overly used terms on LinkedIn profiles. Just do a search. However, what they don’t understand is how pointless and even dangerous it could be to base everything on results.

For one, we don’t fully control results. No matter how hard we work or compete at something, there are always many more talented people who are just as driven to beat us at the game of getting results. Moreover, when we focus on results, we started risking to game the system by unethical or illegal means. Just ask Lance Armstrong and the wall-streeters who caused the 2008 financial crisis. Lastly, no matter how hard you fight, there are circumstances in life such as cancer that can simply overpowers you.

Actions – the real brave winners judge their successes on their actions, or reactions to circumstances, in spite of what the circumstances might be and the results they might cause. In the classic book, Man’s Search For Meaning, Viktor Frankl described that when he was dealt with the worst circumstances imaginable in life – the Nazi concentration camp, which one might argue it’s even worst than cancer. Yet it was in there, he discovered meaning and his true calling in life and greatest contribution to humanity. Dr. Frankl knew he had no control of his circumstances (concentration camp and guards’ brutality), and no control of results (his own survival), but he had full control of his reactions to circumstances.

Stuart Scott and Viktor Frankl were far from the only people demonstrating how to win in life through our actions. There are many, many more stories of people finding their true calling through their reaction to adversities.

Elizabeth Smart was the victim of a high-profile child abduction case at age 14. After spending nine-month with his evil tormentor and suffering through endless pain and humiliation, she was rescued. She became a champion activist against human trafficking and crimes against children, and was a recipient of the Diller-von Furstenberg Awards.

While serving in Iraq, first lieutenant Scottie Smiley was permanently blinded by a suicide bomber. After returning home, he lived life to the fullest, by climbing Mount Rainier, skiing in Colorado, surfing in Hawaii, and competing in triathlon. He received his MBA from Duke University, and taught leadership at West Point. Today, he is a Major in the US Army and recipient of the MacArthur Leadership Award.

So next time when you encounter a setback in life, no matter how severe and debilitating, and no matter how dark and hopeless it seems, remember Stu’s words. “You beat (your adversity), by how you live, why you live and the manner in which you live.”

It is indeed the #1 quality to win in life.